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His | Hers

Harry Potter, Matchmaking, Percy/Oliver

Title: Matchmaking
Author: Societal Casualty/Kate Shelby/bittermuzak
Email: societal_casualty@yahoo.com
Booth: Kissing Booth
Summary/Scenario: For the Percy/Oliver Fic Carnival. Kissing Booth #9: Percy and Oliver, unattached, attempt to match-make all over school, not realizing the school is trying to match-make them right back.
Spoilers: Up to book three, to be safe.
Rating: PG
Warnings: No real warnings, except het implications, attempted comedy at points (not my strong suit) and I guarantee nothing about the in character-ness of this, as it’s difficult for me to write comedy-ish.
Notes: May a rain of Hershey Kisses fall on Erin for beta’ing, because she friggin’ rawks. Any mistakes/crappiness remaining is my fault. Thanks to DarkStar who was so damned patient.
Disclaimer: This fic is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.


Part 1: Such Painful Denial

Some of the students were gathered in the library, attempting to study. Two of Gryffindor’s Chasers were among those, sitting around a table covered in books, although it wasn’t the books they were looking at.

“Shite,” Alicia whispered after a few minutes of silence. “I think you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right,” Angelina said. “They’re meant to be.”

Katie walked up and sat beside Alicia, opening her own books and notes. “Sorry I’m late. What are you talking about?”

“Oliver and Percy. Look at them,” Angelina gestured at the table across half way across the room from theirs where only the two in question sat. “They’re meant to be.”

“Really now?” Katie asked.

“Yes, really now,” Alicia assured emphatically, although Angelina tried to hush her.

“Are you saying Wood’s a poof?” Roger Davies said, standing at the other side of the table.

“Where’d you come from?” Alicia asked.

“Will you grow up?” Angelina’s question took a greater prevalence over Alicia’s.

“What do you mean?” Roger asked indignantly, his voice reached a pitch higher.

“That barbaric ‘poof’ attitude of yours.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Angelina shook her head. “You don’t get it. Love doesn’t know gender, and if you’re going to go all childish about it—”

“Wait. You really think Wood’s in love with something other than Quidditch? That’s not possible!” Roger’s voice kept getting louder, and, in turn, so was Angelina’s.

Katie rolled her eyes and looked back at Oliver and Percy, determined to ignore Angelina’s stupidity.

“Someone not Quidditch-related is perfect for Oliver and what do you know about our team?” Angelina said him snidely.

“Who doesn’t know how obsessive Wood is? He takes living and breathing Quidditch to a higher, wronger level.”

“Wronger isn’t even a word,” Angelina sneered.

“Will you two be quiet?” Alicia demanded. “You’re going to get us in trouble.”

Oliver heard the noise of their argument, but not the words and by the time he looked up, Alicia had hushed them.

“Oliver,” Percy hissed. Oliver’s head snapped back to him with a sheepish grin. “Are you planning on studying at all?”

“Sorry, Perce. Just got distracted.”

“By what, exactly?”

“Them,” he nodded to the table.

Percy looked at them and then back to Oliver. “What about them?” he asked, unimpressed.

“Angelina and Roger. They’re practically clawing each other’s clothes off.”

That raised Percy’s eyebrows. He looked back at the table and then again at Oliver. “About to claw each other, yes, but I’m not convinced about the clothes part.”

“They’re a perfect match,” Oliver assured.

“Isn’t he a Quidditch player?”

“A captain.”

“So shouldn’t you hate him?”

Oliver shrugged. “It’s off-season.”

“And if he’s—maybe, say—distracted by a certain Chaser, on a certain other team…”

“All the better.”

Percy gave him a bland look. “Do you think of anything else?”

Oliver chuckled, but didn’t answer.

“And anyways, if there’s any possible matching going on, it would be that Katie girl and you.”


“Every time you’re not looking, she is.”


“Yes. And I think you’re not just looking at Roger and Angelina when you look over there.”

“I don’t like Katie,” Oliver assured him seriously. “Don’t mix business with pleasure. Gets messy that way.”

Percy looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “Whatever are you talking about?”

“Quidditch. I will not date anyone on my team.”

“But that doesn’t stop you from thinking Angelina and Roger should pair up.”

“Of course not. Angelina’s a level girl; she’d keep a good head if she were dating Roger.”

“And Katie wouldn’t?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what did you say?”

Oliver bit down on the desire to continue the probably escalading argument where he might say something he’d regret and just grinned. “It’s all up here, Perce,” he tapped his forehead. “Makes perfect sense.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Percy smiled.

Barely keeping back a laugh, Oliver clutched his heart in mock-pain. “I’m hurt, Percy. Truly hurt.”

“Oh, don’t pull that Fred and George act with me.” Though if it had come from either of them, Percy would have gotten snappish and brisk, but from Oliver, it was different. They had a kind of friendly air that came from all the years of close quarters that didn’t exist for Percy after almost a lifetime with the twins.

“You have to help me, you know.” Oliver was serious again.

“Help you what?”

“Help me set them up.”

“What makes you think they want to be set up?”

“Oh, come on. It’s obvious.”

“Oh, yes, because people in love always fight like that,” Percy said loftily.

“You just don’t have my intuition about these types of things.”

Percy rolled his eyes and leaned down to the floor to get something from his school bag. When he came up with a parchment, he told Oliver, “She’s looking at you again.”


“Katie, your admirer. She’s watching you.”

Oliver’s head snapped to his teammates’ table but Katie wasn’t looking. “What are you talking about? No she isn’t.”

Percy shrugged and frowned at his parchment. “She was. What did you think about this?” He pointed out one of the assignment questions to Oliver.

“Will you look at that?” Katie said, essentially to herself. “Maybe they are made for each other.”


“Oliver,” Percy drawled, sounding very pained. “This is stupid.”

“No it’s not.”

“You think love’s going to blossom over a found book?” Oliver had created this situation where he ‘borrowed’ a book from Angelina without actually mentioning he was borrowing it, and when she went on the search for it, it would be found in Roger Davies’ possession.

“It’s worth a shot.”

“What do you need me for?”

“In case we get caught, you can provide the excuse.”

Percy was aghast at this. “You want me to break a rule and lie?”

“You didn’t mind when I broke a rule and stole her book.”

“Don’t remind me. If it was anything more than a book, I’d report you.”

“No you wouldn’t.” Oliver sounded so confident; it raised an eyebrow with Percy.

“Sh!” Oliver cut off Percy’s reply. “Look.”

They were hiding behind the end of a shelf in the library that offered a good view of the table Roger sat at with some of his teammates. Oliver had managed to plant the book obviously next to Roger’s books. He’d heard Angelina and Katie talking in the common room about going to the library (after they ‘freshened up,’ what’s with that?) and grabbed Percy; they headed down, discreetly positioning the book after a ‘distraction,’ as Oliver put it. Percy was appalled by the distraction, picking a fight with Roger until it drew Madam Pince’s attention. He stepped in then, calmed them down, and she grudgingly turned to a louder outbreak among some younger students.

Angelina was walking with some other Gryffindor girls to the table they’d adopted as their own lately, looking perplexed. Their path took them past Roger’s table and when passed, the book caught her eye. Oliver’s triumphant ‘yes!’ made a younger student look at his quizzically before scurrying off.

“Did you steal my book?” she asked as she marched up and snatched it up.

“No,” Roger said. “I don’t know how it got there.”

“Neither do I,” she said with attitude. “The last time I saw it, it was with my other books.”

“Then when would I have stolen it?”

“I don’t know, but you’re the one who has it.”

“Well, not anymore. I don’t know how it got there, but I’m sorry,” although he didn’t sound it. “You have what you need, goodbye.”

She huffed at him, turned on her heel, and stormed off to her table. It was quite comical, actually.

“See,” Percy said.

“I’ve never seen her act like that,” Oliver whispered, mostly to himself. “It must be love.”

Percy gaped at him. “What is wrong with you?”

“Do you know what? I think we’ve been going about this all wrong.”

“Obviously.” Percy’s tone was dripping with sarcasm but Oliver ignored it.

“I think we should talk to the other girls about it.”

“What? You really are going mad!”

“Oh, come on, Percy. When you see two people so obviously hiding feelings for each other, don’t you want to reach out and help them out?”

“Why couldn’t someone else have been my year mate? Someone with a little sense that hasn’t been beaten out with concussions, maybe?”

“Wouldn’t be as much fun, now, would it?” Oliver walked off down the row and Percy followed with a sigh.

Part 2: It Was a Stupid Idea, but the Other One Isn’t

It was a stupid idea, possibly the stupidest Percy had ever heard. But it was the only one he had. A cold sweat soaked his hands as he took one of Oliver’s books and put it with Katie’s things while she was on the other side of the common room. Percy prayed it was one Oliver would miss. It was slim and black with Oliver’s tight, pointed scrawl on half the pages—it probably had Quidditch plays or something in it, he would definitely miss something like that, Percy decided in the seconds he had before his roommate came back in.

Percy did not believe love would blossom over a found book, but it was worth a try. He couldn’t think of anything better.


Katie noticed she had an extra book when she went through her pile for her Transfiguration reference. She frowned and opened it, the crisp pages bending and filled with ink. When she started reading it, her eyebrows shot almost up to her hairline; her mouth slowly made its way open.

“Oi, Alicia, look at this,” Katie said.

“What? I’m busy.”

“You have to read this.”

“What is it?” Alicia looked over Katie’s shoulder and read.

‘I dreamed last night. He was naked on his bed when I walked in. ‘Come here,’ he said and undid my trousers with his teeth. I could come again just thinking ab—’

The book was torn from Katie’s hands.

“What’re you reading, girls?” Oliver asked as he scanned the page. He gasped exaggeratedly. “Do I see the word cock in here? Tsk, tsk, reading pornographic material. You should be ashamed; just think of the example you’re setting for younger students! Glad it wasn’t Percy who caught you, he might get you kicked off the team for this.”

“Well give it back and we’ll pretend it never happened,” Alicia said.

“No, sorry,” Oliver said without an apologetic tone, “I think I’ll just keep this in the meantime. Don’t want to risk losing two players this year.” He turned around and couldn’t hide his look of relief, thankfully only the wall was there to see it. Percy watched him leave with some dismay.

Alicia rolled her eyes at Oliver’s retreating back. “Just as is was getting good.” She went back to her homework until a second later Katie’s hand was on her shoulder. “What now?”

“Don’t you think that writing looked familiar? A bit like this?” Katie thrust a note at Alicia, the one Oliver had given everyone on the Quidditch team about starting practices early.

Alicia’s mouth dropped. She looked up at Katie with a grin. “Angelina’s plan just might work!”

“We still don’t know about Percy, though.”

“It’s obvious.”

“No it isn’t.”

“Yes it is.”

“If this doesn’t work out, I don’t know who you or Angelina are.”

“It will.”


Katie was elected to go up to Percy a day later and get him to help her with some school work. Charms, specifically. She kept claiming she didn’t understand until he finally just wrote it out and demonstrated. She walked back to the side of the room Angelina and Alicia were on and Percy shook his head.

“I always thought she was a smart girl,” he muttered to Oliver.

“She is,” Oliver said, then teased, “I think she just came over here to be close to you.”

“More like to be close to you, I think she’s got a crush on you.”

“I think she’s got a crush on you.”

Percy groaned. “I’m not going to mysteriously find any of my books with hers, am I?”

“Not that I put there,” Oliver assured seriously.

They wrote the same thing on both notes: ‘I have loved you from a distance for so many years now, I only recently got up the courage to tell you. Check yes and leave it here if you’re looking for romance or at least a good snog once in awhile.’

“It’s not romantic,” Angelina reasoned, “but it sounds sort of like one of them might write it.”

By the next day both notes were strategically planted. They stuck Percy’s note on his desk before his history of magic class.

They rushed there right after class and saw the note still sitting there.

Below that, Percy had written ‘Sorry, you must have the wrong person.’

They asked a Hufflepuff in the back of the room who’d just woken up, “Do you know who sits next to Percy?”

“Wood, probably, they sit together in every class,” he answered before scuttling off.

“Well,” Alicia said, “he didn’t give it to Oliver. That’s a good sign.”

“Maybe,” Katie added.

“Why are you so pessimistic?” Angelina asked. “This might work out, you know.”

“That’s a thin ‘might.’ What are you going to do, have them meet sometime?”

“Yeah, in the future.”

“Well, if they don’t beat each other up to defend their manliness, we might be totally off base with at least Percy, and it might totally blow up and we ruin a seemingly close friendship.”

“No it won’t.” Angelina was so sure.

“How do you know?”

“I saw it in divination.”

“You don’t actually believe—”

“Oh, Katie,” Alicia interrupted. “They’re completely opposite but they’re practically conjoined. Except when Percy was with Penelope, but he broke up with her and now it’s back to normal.”

“I still don’t see your logic.”

“Have a little faith, Katie.”

Katie sighed, but didn’t object anymore.

Oliver’s note was in his Quidditch locker. He left the note on the bench after everyone had left, and they snuck back in to get it.

Safe in the girl’s dormitory, they opened up the note and...Oliver had made his own option.


Part 3: Notes

‘My dear Percy, I most certainly have the right person. You underestimate yourself. I dream about you. My heart beats faster whenever you’re near, my breath catches. I just want to take your cock in my hand under the table.’

‘That’s highly inappropriate. If you’re Fred and George I’m going to kill you.—Percy’

‘Oliver, what oh what does it depend on?’

‘Depends on who you are. -Oliver’

‘Percy, love. I am not your brothers, though I do know them. Were this them, I would hold the one you weren’t killing until you get to him.’

‘I can’t tell you who I am, Oliver, I’d die if you didn’t feel the same and we couldn’t be friends anymore. I dream about you. You, coming in to the dormitory when I’m there. You, covered in sweat and your muscles aching. Me ...relieving that ache.’

‘Well, you never know unless you take the risk. –Oliver’

‘Well that’s nice to know.—Percy’

‘Alicia, Katie—Don’t you think Angelina and Roger are a match? Percy and me can’t come up with a way to get them together, what do you think? –Oliver’

‘Are you just going to use that to distract Roger from the game or something? It’s positively devious. We’ll take care of it. ~Alicia & Katie.’

‘I think Katie has a bit of a crush on Oliver, she’s always looking at him when he’s not. Do you think so?—Percy Weasley.’

‘Percy, that’s hilarious. Katie has a boy at home, she doesn’t have a crush on Oliver. Besides, we think he has a crush on someone else. ~Alicia & Angelina’

‘Really? Who?—Percy’

‘Yes really. ~Alicia & Angelina’


‘We’re not telling yet. ~Alicia & Angelina’

‘Well, that’s a bit childish, don’t you think?—Percy’

‘Just ask him yourself if you’re so curious, you mean git. ~Alicia & Angelina’

‘Angelina. Your name is so beautiful. It struggles from my lips because they don’t want to let it go, so I must say it over and over again. I have falling in love with you, O Angelina. –Your secret admirer.’

‘Roger. Your brut skill on the pitch hypnotizes me. I think I’ve fallen so deeply in love with you. –Your secret admirer.’

‘Percy, I think I have gathered enough courage to meet you and not shrink back. If you can promise not to get angry with me if you do not love me back, I would be honored to meet you. . .’

‘Oliver, I think I have gathered enough courage if you still want to find out who I am. Let’s meet somewhere sometime and talk, if you promise not to get angry and hate me if you do not love me back.’

‘I won’t get angry and hate you if this isn’t a trick. When and where?—Percy’

‘All right. –Oliver.’

‘Percy, meet me in the first window seat turning left outside the portrait hole at beginning of dinner Saturday. I’ll be there.’

‘Oliver, meet me in the first window seat turning left outside the portrait hole at the beginning of dinner Saturday. I’ll be there.’

‘Roger, if you want to meet me, I’ll be in the astronomy tower Saturday at beginning of dinner. Meet me there. –Your secret admirer.’

‘Angelina, if you want to meet me, I’ll be in the astronomy tower Saturday at beginning of dinner. Meet me there. –Your secret admirer.’

Part 4: Meetings

“Angelina, come on. They’re going to get there before us.”

“Um, actually, I have astronomy work I need to make up. Tell me how it goes?”


Alicia and Katie shared a devious laugh as they walked out the portrait hole to position themselves so they could hear the boys’ meeting.

“Alicia,” Katie hissed. “What if Roger doesn’t show up, or we’re all totally wrong about the both of them?”

“Remember three important words, Katie. Deny, deny, and deny.”

“But what if she’s really hurt?”

“Well, she kind of deserves it. Bit of her own medicine with these two. Shush, I think they’re coming.”

Percy retraced his steps after escorting the students to dinner, walked in front of their window, looked back up the hall, and darted back into the designated window seat. Alicia and Katie had to bite their lips to keep from laughing.

Oliver came when the halls were empty. He casually looked up and down it before moving the curtain of the window aside.

“Oliver! What’re you doing here?”

Oliver stammered for a moment. “I-I-I was supposed to meet someone here, I thought.”

“So was I...”

“Are you...” Percy started. “No, that’s insane. Who were you supposed to meet?”

“I don’t know. I was getting these anonymous notes...they said to come here, now.”

“So did I.” Percy stood up and straightened his clothes. “I’m terribly sorry, this must be Fred and George playing a joke. I’ll kill them.”

“You can’t,” Oliver said out of habit. “They’re our best beaters, we need them to win.”

Percy smiled and headed back to the portrait hole.

“It might have been a joke,” Oliver said quietly, “but they were right on.”

Percy stopped. “Are you serious?”

“Shite. Percy, never mind.”

Percy was standing in front of Oliver now. “No, are you serious?”

“Oh, what the hell. Yes, I was very serious. And if it disgusts you, so be it.” It was Oliver’s turn to walk away toward dinner.

“Oliver, wait!” Oliver did. “I broke up with Penny because she didn’t like you.”


“I broke up with Penelope Clearwater because she said she didn’t like you. You’re my best mate.”

“That’s nice to hear,” Oliver said, but didn’t sound like he meant it. Percy walked up to him.

“It’s because you’re my best mate that I don’t want to admit they were right on with me, too. I don’t have many friends. I don’t want to lose the best one I have.”

“Perce, you won’t.”

“What do we do now?”

“Well, I’m kind of hungry. How about we get dinner, then...talk or something?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“And they walk off into the sunsets of Happily Ever After,” Alicia whispered when they were gone.

“I don’t believe that worked,” Katie said.

“Angelina will be pleased.”

“If that plan worked, too.”

“That, I’m not so sure about.”

After dinner, Percy and Oliver disappeared up to their room and Alicia and Katie went to theirs. Angelina was there, doing her school work on her bed.

“How’d it go with Oliver and Percy?”

“Perfectly, to Katie’s astonishment,” Alicia said.


“How was your astronomy work?” Katie asked.

“Fine, except Roger Davies is an arse as always.”

Katie mouthed ‘told you so,’ at Alicia from her bed.


Sep. 22nd, 2009 04:10 pm (UTC)
Hi! I've just read benebu's French version of this fic and I wanted to tell you that I really like it. (Plus, I can tell you she did a very good job.)